


Surprise Sleepover!

by breatheforeverypart



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Jessica Jones (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Defenders (TV 2010)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Killgrave - Freeform, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, it's deadpool use common sense, mention of alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29092656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breatheforeverypart/pseuds/breatheforeverypart
Summary: Jessica's apartment has been broken into, yet again.  Work sucked.  Now, Trish is going to be upset.Wait...is that Deadpool in her poor excuse for a kitchen?  Fan-fucking-tastic.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Surprise Sleepover!

***

“Fuck.”

Why did Trish bother to fix anything in her apartment? No one bothered knocking. Jessica swung her messenger bag, so it thudded against the small of her back. Splintered wood from the abused frame of her apartment’s door started a trail into the foyer. 

Jess gripped a mini can of mace, a staple in her line of work and entered her shitty apartment. 

“Whoever you are, you’re an idiot walking in here. I have a phone. You could leave a voicemail, note stapled to the door, or you know, knock like a fucking normal person.” Jessica caught sight of a figure in her kitchenette. 

“Joke’s on you…Malcolm buys my groceries. And we’re not on speaking terms, since he re-organized my bathroom.” Jessica spun the keychain of chemicals around a finger, like a lasso. 

The figure cocked their head, the leathery suit squeaking. 

“Okay, Daredevil wannabe.” Jessica squinted into the dark room. “If you’re looking for someone who gives a shit…” She clenched a fist at her side, ready to knock out another zealot. If she had to call the cops, Trish and file a stupid report, someone was getting a bloody nose and black eye. Ugh. 

Deadpool wiggled his glove clad fingers in a disappointing excuse for a greeting. In his defense, what is the appropriate way to say hi after breaking into a home? 

“Fuck. You.” Jessica flipped off the notorious Wade Wilson.

He shrugged off her creative use of expletives. He picked a particularly stubborn wedgie and sauntered over to where Jess stood. “You will buy me more wine.” 

“Wine?” Jones crossed her arms and rubbed her threadbare coat. “Your body count would suggest something more hardcore than wine. Also, no.” 

“Well, I’d prefer a fishbowl. Something with food coloring and lots of sugar. But seeing as you barely have food…I doubt you had the ingredients to make that kinda magic. Or a blender. More importantly, we need those little paper umbrellas.” 

“Oh, grow up.” Jessica debated the merits of beating the shit out of man who couldn’t die. Well, he could feel pain. But knowing the man’s reputation…he would probably like whatever damage she did inflict. 

Deadpool wiggled his fingers in what he probably thought was some kind of magical ritual. “Hmm. Damn it, didn’t work. Only works for that purple asshole. He’s more problematic than me.” 

Jessica’s heart hesitated along with her brain. Killgrave haunted her days, nights and every case Malcolm made her take. “Don’t make me call Luke.” The threat felt weak as she said the words, but at least memories hadn’t choked her ability to speak. 

Yet. If she kept reminiscing about her years of torture, there was only one way she could manage the trauma tsunami. 

“I’m all for threesomes, but this seems to be moving fast.” Deadpool gyrated before dropping into an impression Legally Blonde’s signature bend-and-snap flirtation. 

She glowered at him, but continued unwinding her scarf from her neck. 

Deadpool rubbed his palms together. He couldn’t help himself, pissing her off was too easy. “What are the safe words? I only have one rule. My mask stays on. Can Cage bring that yellow headband? Blind Al has a plethora of wigs we can dust off for the occasion.” 

He smacked his own behind. “Spandex is key to these things, you know. Keeps everything is place. Tights make me feel all kinds of supported.” 

“What are you, 12?” Jessica sounded furious, but Wade had stopped listening to her complaints. He could feel her rolling her eyes and that was enough to keep him talking. 

“At the moment…kinda?” He addressed an entity that wasn’t visible to anyone else and thrust his pelvis forward. “Don’t ask kids…it was a bad one-night stand. Actually, it was good until the whole…you know.” He chopped at the air using crude gestural signs. “Get it? Ooh! You can teach me some actual ASL.” 

“How about this one?” Jessica scoffed, flipping him off with both hands. 

“Huh. Where’s cupid? He’s always bruised, bandaged and sexy all over.” Deadpool shook his head at the PI. “You’re not a very patient teacher. Which is good in some situations, mainly bedroom experimentations.” 

“Clint? Leave that man alone. He’s got enough problems without you trying to hump him.” She kicked off her boots and tossed her messenger bag on the floor. It thudded like there was glass buried among the open case files. 

“He’s the one who’s been cock-blocking me like a helicopter parent. I just want Team Red to happen!” He stomped his feet like a petulant elephant. 

“Go home, Wilson.” Jessica dropped onto the couch with none of the grace that her skinny body would suggest she had. 

Deadpool gasped. “Whoa! Babe, I’m like Rumpelstiltskin. You say my name, I’m yours.” He twisted right and left trying to figure out how to shimmy out of his suit. 

“I will literally twist it off and stuff the whole enchilada in your mouth.” 

“Promises, promises.” He sang, tilting his head like a spellbound puppy. Of course, violence would be a turn-on for a man who labelled himself judge, jury and executioner. 

“You bet your ass.” She retorted without thought. In the silence that followed her comment, Jessica studied him. 

Deadpool’s reputation preceded him. His history had been no more interesting or fucked than her own. 

He coped similarly to how Castle kept breathing. Inhale anger, exhale revenge. Exist in an isolated underworld of his own creation. Wade had lost the love of his life and the ability to die like a human, blah, blah, blah. Explanations didn’t excuse murder. Jones had a Grinch sized capacity for empathy, or so Stark had said on many occasions. 

It wasn’t even a morally grey area, but Jessica couldn’t argue with the results. 

She appreciated Frank’s policy when it came to domestic violence cases and pedophiles. Even Matt admitted, they did occasionally ‘save’ lives. The fact they traumatized them for the rest of their natural born lives was of little consequence. 

But hey, nightmares could be numbed. Jessica spent most of her life trying on vices like typical millennials of her age. She flirted with hobbies and student loans, while ignoring her mental health. 

Which reminded her, it was time for dinner. “Fine. Stay. I don’t give a shit.” Jessica threw up her hands and turned to the kitchen. All the cabinet doors had been thrown open and rifled through. 

“Are you fucking serious?” She crushed an empty Pop-Tarts box. “I ask Malcom for like one thing…well he won’t buy me what I actually need. But these I can actually live off of.” 

He always left pamphlets in the medicine cabinet, under the sink, in the steamy bags of take-out. Twelve Steps and group therapy that promised to help her start over. But that wasn’t part of the groceries. Stupid Malcom, trying to save her long after Killgrave had burned her alive. 

“Yes, and yes.” Deadpool shot finger-guns at her. “Jelly-filled pastries are my refueling snack of choice.” He crammed the last of the crumbly snack in his mouth. His pock-marked skin caught the moonlight of Jess’s windows. “But, mask stays on. Kinky, right?” 

“You ate everything.” She whined. Jessica huffed as she pawed through the black hole that masqueraded as her work bag. 

“No! I did you a favor. Underoos is having a mature impact on my life. We watched Marie Kondo at our last sleepover. Totally changed my life.” He crossed his legs and drew in another breath to keep talking. 

Jessica hugged the empty bag to her chest as she unwrapped a roll of ancient hard candies. 

“Al kicked me out. Apparently, it’s rude to re-arrange a blind person’s house without their permission.” Wade extracted a katana and used it to spear a rogue granola bar among the mess of case files. 

“Why are you still here.” 

“’Cus if you were gonna cut something off my body, you woulda done it by now. So, what should we binge watch?” 

Jessica tossed him the remote control. “Don’t care. I’m working.” She nearly snapped her laptop as she forced it open. 

“Excellent.” Wade spit a chunk of wrapper into his lap. “You’re going to regret giving me this power.” 

“I already do.” She smacked earbuds into place and began typing furiously. 

“Love you too.” Deadpool winked, fanning the fumes of a fart away from the grumpy investigator for hire. 

***

**Author's Note:**

> Writing Deadpool interacting with Marvel's sandbox of characters is very entertaining. That's my only excuse, that and I'm avoiding planning for virtual learning due to snow on Monday. Yay.


End file.
